Race Hustlelateers!!!
Cue Music: The "Original" Batman Theme Song.....
Announcer: On tonights episode of the Race Hustlelateers...We find our race hustlers bogged down in racial issues in the suburb of a Chicago city.
Jesse: No fun with guns!! We need to draw ire on racial issues, not fire on gang issues.
Al: There are no ooozies made in the hoodsies!!
Judge Greg Mathis: George Bush is responsible for guns being in our neighborhoods, and the gov't ought to pay reparations for the bloodshed in our neighborhoods caused by guns only...
Jesse: Yeah!
(just then, the hustlelateers light shines)
Al: Holy racial discrimination, Jesse...the hustlelateer light!
Jesse: Quick! to the Hustlelateer caddy!
(Al, Jesse and Judge Mathis jump in a pink cadilac and as soon as the car is started, loud music sounding like James Brown's "Big Payback" is heard)
Jesse: Greg, call the Hustlelateer cave and ask Steve Hovey (Harvey) where we're headin'
Greg: Alright Shakedown Man! Yo, Steve! Greg here, ay check this out, where is the scene of the crime? aha aha, wha?! man you bullshhh-
Jesse: Brotha!
Greg: Sorry Rev.
Al: What did he say?
Greg: He said it's a small town in Jena, LA
Jesse: Where?
Al: Lets check out the hustlelateer map and get some information...hustleputer, we need information on the town of Jena, LA...
Hustleputer: What up, niggas, what the ef, is a Jena, LA...for a minute, hustleputer almost thought you was talking about vag-
Jesse: Hustleputer!!
Hustleputer: Now Shakedown, you know you like you some vag-
Mathis: Ay puter, Jena, LA!
Hustleputer: Jena is located a few miles away from Alexandria, LA, it has a population of three thousand people with whites being over eighty percent of the population, with black making up 8 percent..
Jesse: Whites!! Yes, yes....eighty percent is white folk, my shakedown senses are telling me that blatant racism is alive and well, whatcha say Al? where's Al?
Mathis: You know Perm-Man thinks he's the star and you should be the sidekick, he jumped out of the hustle-lac and jumped in his own ride...
Jesse: Driver, follow the perm oil...
(We now find our racial crusaders standing in the middle of Jena, LA)
Al: I know there's some racism going on here, we got a call and signal, now racism show yourself!!!
Jesse: We're not here to pout, but to shout!! Lets erase! race!
Mathis: Lets erase race? Rev you okay..
Jesse: Yeah, I'm cool, I'm cool, how i'm doing?
Mathis: Oh you bad, and theres money in this here town...look at those houses..
Jesse: yeah, heh heh, don't tell Al.
(both gigling and Al turns to see why they're gigglin')
Mathis/Jackson: shhhhh, heh, heh.
(just then a black man walks up to them)
Man: Howdy, I'm Michael Bell's pa. and I called you...you see my boy and his friends got themselves arrested for beating a white boy...but check this out, the DA charged them with attempted second degree murder and they kids, man....and check this out, my boy already had a trial and he was found guilty by an all white jewelry.
Mathis: Jury..
Man: Dat's whut I says..
Mathis: You said Jewelry.
Man: I know.
Mathis: Sir! I know you said jewelry, but the correct word is jury!
Man: that's what I said...
Al: Never mind, (looking towards Mathis) stop it! you knew what he meant! you always do this mess! that's why I dont' roll with you two!
Jesse: Sir, you mentioned, all white...all white what?
Man: Jewelry
Mathis: sir!
Al: Greg! let the man alone! go 'head
Man: all white jewelry, a white judge, a white Deyay.
Man: Some brotha...he didn't do nothing..by the way my name is Marcus Jones.
Al: He was black...oh lawd, I'm getting weak....call CNN! we can't let the truth about the boys attorney and someone divert the fact that this man ain't married to Bell's momma. We need to keep the media focused on the racism. Where's Jesse?
Mathis: He went to the ATM, here he comes now.
Jackson: Whew! for a minute I was scared out of wits, when these young black kids were behind me pointin' and laughin at me....If not for that white man over there, I dunno what would have happened...
Mathis: There you go again, always thinkin' black folk gonna rob you...
Jackson: well, numbers don't lie....
Sharpton: Stop it! both of you! we need to concentrate and find out how much money is in this town so we get a big donation to our generl fund...
Marcus Jones: What fund? You mean your going to bail out my boy?
Mathis: Hell naw, hey look at this tape, Is that your boy beatin' the mess out of that white boy, dayum!!!
Jones: A simple school yard fight, a simple school yard fight, oooo! my boy got a left don't he..
Jackson: Nize. Real nize.
Mathis: Jesse stop lookin' at the teacher's boodie...
Sharpton: We need to concentrate!!
Jackson to Sharpton: he just mad, cause you never see him with no woman. Hey Al, don't ask don't tell, huh?
Sharpton: That's it, I can't take it! I'm done! you make me sick! we're done...
Announcer: Is this end of the Hustlelateers? Will Al's hair survive the Louisiana humidity?
Will Marcus Jones pronounce jury correctly? And is Jesse still looking at the teacher's boodie on the video? Tune in next time for another episode of the Hustlelateers!!!!
Announcer: On tonights episode of the Race Hustlelateers...We find our race hustlers bogged down in racial issues in the suburb of a Chicago city.
Jesse: No fun with guns!! We need to draw ire on racial issues, not fire on gang issues.
Al: There are no ooozies made in the hoodsies!!
Judge Greg Mathis: George Bush is responsible for guns being in our neighborhoods, and the gov't ought to pay reparations for the bloodshed in our neighborhoods caused by guns only...
Jesse: Yeah!
(just then, the hustlelateers light shines)
Al: Holy racial discrimination, Jesse...the hustlelateer light!
Jesse: Quick! to the Hustlelateer caddy!
(Al, Jesse and Judge Mathis jump in a pink cadilac and as soon as the car is started, loud music sounding like James Brown's "Big Payback" is heard)
Jesse: Greg, call the Hustlelateer cave and ask Steve Hovey (Harvey) where we're headin'
Greg: Alright Shakedown Man! Yo, Steve! Greg here, ay check this out, where is the scene of the crime? aha aha, wha?! man you bullshhh-
Jesse: Brotha!
Greg: Sorry Rev.
Al: What did he say?
Greg: He said it's a small town in Jena, LA
Jesse: Where?
Al: Lets check out the hustlelateer map and get some information...hustleputer, we need information on the town of Jena, LA...
Hustleputer: What up, niggas, what the ef, is a Jena, LA...for a minute, hustleputer almost thought you was talking about vag-
Jesse: Hustleputer!!
Hustleputer: Now Shakedown, you know you like you some vag-
Mathis: Ay puter, Jena, LA!
Hustleputer: Jena is located a few miles away from Alexandria, LA, it has a population of three thousand people with whites being over eighty percent of the population, with black making up 8 percent..
Jesse: Whites!! Yes, yes....eighty percent is white folk, my shakedown senses are telling me that blatant racism is alive and well, whatcha say Al? where's Al?
Mathis: You know Perm-Man thinks he's the star and you should be the sidekick, he jumped out of the hustle-lac and jumped in his own ride...
Jesse: Driver, follow the perm oil...
(We now find our racial crusaders standing in the middle of Jena, LA)
Al: I know there's some racism going on here, we got a call and signal, now racism show yourself!!!
Jesse: We're not here to pout, but to shout!! Lets erase! race!
Mathis: Lets erase race? Rev you okay..
Jesse: Yeah, I'm cool, I'm cool, how i'm doing?
Mathis: Oh you bad, and theres money in this here town...look at those houses..
Jesse: yeah, heh heh, don't tell Al.
(both gigling and Al turns to see why they're gigglin')
Mathis/Jackson: shhhhh, heh, heh.
(just then a black man walks up to them)
Man: Howdy, I'm Michael Bell's pa. and I called you...you see my boy and his friends got themselves arrested for beating a white boy...but check this out, the DA charged them with attempted second degree murder and they kids, man....and check this out, my boy already had a trial and he was found guilty by an all white jewelry.
Mathis: Jury..
Man: Dat's whut I says..
Mathis: You said Jewelry.
Man: I know.
Mathis: Sir! I know you said jewelry, but the correct word is jury!
Man: that's what I said...
Al: Never mind, (looking towards Mathis) stop it! you knew what he meant! you always do this mess! that's why I dont' roll with you two!
Jesse: Sir, you mentioned, all white...all white what?
Man: Jewelry
Mathis: sir!
Al: Greg! let the man alone! go 'head
Man: all white jewelry, a white judge, a white Deyay.
Mathis: D. A., sir just say district attorney
Jones: Dwistic aptornee
Mathis: (laughing) are you high? drunk? or should I say dwunk?
Man: Some brotha...he didn't do nothing..by the way my name is Marcus Jones.
Al: He was black...oh lawd, I'm getting weak....call CNN! we can't let the truth about the boys attorney and someone divert the fact that this man ain't married to Bell's momma. We need to keep the media focused on the racism. Where's Jesse?
Mathis: He went to the ATM, here he comes now.
Jackson: Whew! for a minute I was scared out of wits, when these young black kids were behind me pointin' and laughin at me....If not for that white man over there, I dunno what would have happened...
Mathis: There you go again, always thinkin' black folk gonna rob you...
Jackson: well, numbers don't lie....
Sharpton: Stop it! both of you! we need to concentrate and find out how much money is in this town so we get a big donation to our generl fund...
Marcus Jones: What fund? You mean your going to bail out my boy?
Mathis: Hell naw, hey look at this tape, Is that your boy beatin' the mess out of that white boy, dayum!!!
Jones: A simple school yard fight, a simple school yard fight, oooo! my boy got a left don't he..
Jackson: Nize. Real nize.
Mathis: Jesse stop lookin' at the teacher's boodie...
Sharpton: We need to concentrate!!
Jackson to Sharpton: he just mad, cause you never see him with no woman. Hey Al, don't ask don't tell, huh?
Sharpton: That's it, I can't take it! I'm done! you make me sick! we're done...
Announcer: Is this end of the Hustlelateers? Will Al's hair survive the Louisiana humidity?
Will Marcus Jones pronounce jury correctly? And is Jesse still looking at the teacher's boodie on the video? Tune in next time for another episode of the Hustlelateers!!!!
posted by J.C. "Fanz23" Lewis, Jr | 2:41 PM
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